Best System To Approach?

There's been a lot of debate on indirect versus direct game, what's better. The truth is they both work. Guys have been getting laid forever using all types of methods, lines, and techniques. "Direct" is more of an approach where you state your attentions. You're basically hitting on the girl. She knows from your approach what's going on and what you're there for.

"Indirect" is when your approach is ambiguous. Are you hitting on her or not? She doesn't know. You're kind of conveying this aloofness at the same time you're conveying active disinterest. Indirect approaching is making her work toward getting you to take interest. Indirect is not showing interest until later on when she's earned it. Typically, I've found indirect approaching is going to get you the most consistent results. I'm not saying direct approach doesn't work, but it's not going to work the highest percentage of time with the hottest women.

The reason most guys crash and burn is because they're conveying that they want something. The second the girl picks up that you want something you're blown out, unless she's into it.

As soon as you get an indicator of interest or a statement of intent, whether you're using body language, speech, anything like that, the second she realized you want something she's going to decide right then and there, "should I go with this or not?" Most of the time if it's too early on and you didn't convey enough personality she's going to say "no.".

As long as you stay talking, girls will stay there. You just don't crash and burn, you can't, because you're not conveying so much interest and you don't want something. You're not presenting the opportunity for them to blow you out.

With the indirect approaches, it's more or less you screening the girl for what you want. With the direct approach, she's screening you because she knows what's going on and what your intent is. So you're going to have to keep proving yourself to stay in there so she won't reject you. With indirect, you're choosing the girl, you're making he earn it, you're qualifying her, she's qualifying herself to you. You're using the punishment/reward methodology. You apparently have no interest, so she's got to get you interested. By the end of the time, she's going to do a lot of things that are going to make her earn it. She's going to work hard. She knows that. She knows she's working for it and she's going to appreciate it even more. You'll get better results that way.

There's also an idea that every other guy uses a direct approaches with women, and if you're indirect, then you're making yourself stand out from other guys. Look at these guys who crash and burn with women. Look what they're doing. They're learning in, touching, complimenting her.. be different, be a different. Do something the girls haven't experienced before. It's almost like you're insulting them, because you're coming up to them and just talking, using body language that's conveying not interest. Right from the opener you're getting them trying to earn it, have them qualify themselves to you. It's completely different from what they're used to.

What you're doing is basically talking all the power away from them. The ball is in your court. I know a lot of you guys have heard "be a man, don't apologize for your desires, let them know what you want, claim what's yours, tell them," stuff like that. That's okay. It's a lot of that tough guy rhetoric. But even with the indirect approach, a lot of guys criticize it. "You're not making your intentions known, how are the girls going to know you're the right one?" Trust me. With indirect, all the power is yours. You can be the one when you want. There's the place for that. You will make your desires known, but at the right time.

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Get Rid Your Bad Behaviors...

Just realize this one : People learn bad behaviors and develop bad beliefs as a result of their experiences growing up. In this particular circumstance, we are referring to behaviors and beliefs that involve social interaction with women, and our own self-esteem.

Most of these beliefs and behaviors are unconsciously learned by us and work counter to our goals of success. Things like :

- I'm too old, ugly, or fat, no girl would want me

- I get too nervous to talk to women

- I'm afraid of rejection

- Whenever I talk to a girl, I say dumb things

The list goes on. But all of the above are beliefs or behaviors that hinder us from getting what we want. In order to have success, we must change how we behave and think to a more positive direction.

But how are we supposed to do that? It's easy to SAY you have to change, but to actually do it is far more difficult.

But it can be done

You have to unlearn what you had learned before.

But how do you rid away and unlearn a behavior? Aren't those things ingrained in your being?

NO!

Behaviors are just learned responses to certain stimuli. If you're afraid to meet beautiful women, sometime in your life, you LEARNED to associate fear with talking to a beautiful woman.

One way you can change your behavior is by adopting Reciprocal Behaviors.

Reciprocal behaviors are reactions that compete with each other. If a reciprocal reaction can be evoked in a situation that usually elicits a different response, the old reaction can be weakened.

Learning occurs as the new response grows stronger and the old response grows weaker. Relaxation is reciprocal to anxiety, assertiveness is reciprocal to shyness, and positive thoughts are contradictory to negative thoughts. These reciprocal reactions will weaken their less desirable counterparts only if they can be evoked under conditions that would normally elicit the old reactions.

For instance, college students may do well in a course, but show few lasting signs outside of class that they have mastered the material.

Likewise, let's say you go out and buy an book or course on how to improve your love life. You may read and approve of the book while continuing to behave as you always have, with no real change taking place.

A course or a book contains alternative sets of reactions. If these reactions are not practiced in contexts where they can compete with already established reactions, those established reactions will not be displaces. The real life application of what has been learned will be lacking!

If you really want to change, you have to go out into the field and apply the behaviors that you want to instill within you. To do this, you must engage in situations where the old feelings and behaviors spring up.

This is why I always repeat the words : The field is king. Respect the field.

Change is a step process. You must first figure out what situation evokes what negative behavior or feeling, then expose yourself to varying degrees of that situation until you feel completely comfortable with it. Then, advance to the next level until it, too, has been mastered and, finally, to the situation that would normally evoke the most powerful negative response.

For instance, let's say you can't ask a woman for her phone number because you're just too scared. What you can do is start by simply making eye contact with women you find attractive. After you're comfortable with that, make eye contact and smile. After that, make eye contact, smile, and say "Hi". After that, ask them what their name is. Then, add in an opener you memorized. Keep adding in behaviors until you master being able to get her phone number.

The systematic aspect of his desensitization technique is critical to your success. Sink or swim methods like "throwing you into the flames" that most workshops abide by can be less successful and much more stressful. Moreover, sink or swim methods may make the symptoms worse by re-enforcing your negative beliefs.

However, it is not always practical for someone to be desensitized by confronting real situations.

Real-life hierarchies can be inconvenient to arrange and difficult to control. Fortunately, it is not always necessary for you to confront real situations in order to change your behavior in these situations. If you have a vivid imagination and respond to images of a situation in the same way you respond to the situation itself, it's possible for you to re-educate yourself at home or in the office.

It is still important, that you not imagine situations that are too intense! To do so would risk eliciting and reinforcing the old reactions instead of practicing the new ones. Instead, a hierarchy of imaginary situations must be developed so that the you can effectively evoke the beneficial reactions at each level. So in the example above, you imagine making eye contact with ten women with positive responses, then imagine making eye contact and smiling, etc.

What these exercises do is level the playing field. They give you Tabula Rasa (Latin for "blank slate") from which you can create your own behavior and responses.

It's a long, hard task to undertake, but if you can do it, it can be very rewarding.

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Make Your Inner Game Shine

Yes, you read it right, just make your inner game shine if you want to attract woman. And probably it is the most important aspect of success, with women, in life, in the workplace, is that of "inner game", or your own personal emotions and beliefs. We can call it inner game, because in the game of life, this has to deal with your inner most self. It's the one thing you have the most control over, and it's the one thing that influences all those around you.

Inner game can be a very difficult beast to be handled, because it has to do with how you see the world around you. If you look at talking to a woman as an opportunity to be rejected, that's how you're body will react. If you look at is as something fun to do, you'll also react accordingly.

This is where things like approach anxiety comes from.

If you want to get over approach anxiety, if you want to get confidence, just do it. Go out by yourself. Go out to a club all the way uptown or downtown. People aren't going to see you again. Just crash and burn a few times. It happens all the time. You want to just put yourself out there, get shot down. Get blown out. It's funny. Go with a wingman. Play a game. See who can get blown out the most. See who can approach the most girls. By the end of it you guys will have the funniest stories.

It's bad for about two seconds afterward, but you laugh about it, and with your wingman. It's funny and no one says anything. It's not a big deal. I think it's a real confidence builder. Just going out there, getting shot down, realizing what it's like. It's not that bad. More often than not, you go with that mindset (have fun) and your interactions with women will open up.

Just by getting that initial contact within minutes you will feel so great about yourself. You went out. You did it. You got your foot in the door. Half of this stuff is just getting your foot in the door. Once you get your foot in the door, it's not that hard.

Ask yourself: How are you going to be different? That's how you have to be to get your foot in the door.

This kind of thing can be painful at first, but with experience it passes. Try to visualize positive outcomes to your endeavors, and if things go badly, shrug it off as a "learning experience" and don't make the same mistake twice.

In school, you don't get every math problem right, and you don't pass every test. That's be you're learning. You're accruing knowledge to be used later on. When you first started learning math, an equation like 5+6 was difficult. But the older you got and the more math you did, and equation like that eventually became easy.

With women, the learning process is still there. Guys who are good with women learned what works very early on. Guys who have trouble with women are still on that learning curve. The only difference between women and math is that we put more importance on the outcome of approaching a girl than we do on getting an equation right.

Take a good hard look at yourself. Look at what is holding you back. Look at the negative beliefs you have that keep you from getting what you want, and then challenge those beliefs. You will slip back into them from time to time. This is normal. The important things to keep in mind is to not let them dominate you.

After a bad night, it's easy to fall back on beliefs like "no women like me," "I'm not good looking enough," "I'll die alone," etc. But the thing you must remember is that everyone goes through these kind of self-defeating ideas in their lives. Even the guys who are good with women.

The difference comes down to the notion of whether or not you're going to give up the pursuit of what you want because of those beliefs, or if you're going to power through the tough times and actually get what you want.

The thing that separates winners from losers is sheer determination. Ever hear that old saying "slow and steady wins the race?" That saying is very true indeed. It means that people who keep moving forward, no matter how slow, no matter what obstacles, will eventually get what they want. If you allow yourself to burn out or quit just because the going gets rough, you'll never achieve what you want.

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